Thoughts & Feelings

So do you ever have one of those days or weeks when you just feel blah? I've been feeling that way off and on since Sunday. You know those moments when no matter what happens, you just know that if anyone says anything remotely mean or nice to you, you are just going to bawl? I don't want to sound like I'm having a pity party here because nothing is really wrong. I really don't have anything to complain about, so why do I feel this way? I'm hoping writing these feelings down on here will help because writing can be such a cathartic experience for me. Let it all hang out for the world to see and maybe the problems and feelings will all go away.

Maybe it's just that this month will NEVER end. I keep thinking that May is around the corner and it's not! May doesn't happen for another WEEK!! Maybe I'm just completely hormonal. So most people know that I went through two and a half years of torture trying to have a child. Nothing worked. We did not try IVF because we have right to life issues with the procedure. We were two weeks away from turning in the paperwork to get the process going when VOILA! I'm pregnant. So now we are trying again because we want Mitchell to have siblings close in age. And you know what? There is a small suspicion in my head that maybe I am pregnant again. Which once again comes back to the issue of this month WILL NEVER END and then I will know if I am or if I'm not. Let's just say if I'm not things aren't going to be pretty. I would venture to say that most people dealing with infertility issues mourn in some way every month they aren't pregnant. You get into that pattern and life becomes a little difficult. So I went and got my comfort food this morning- a cherry coke from Sonic (little ice). Great, if I think I'm pregnant I should not be drinking this coke.

So that's my story for today. I hope it gets better.